-Good morning, Warden. -Tom.
Is that Elwood Blues?
Yes, sir. Released yesterday.
Did you tell him about Jake?
No, sir. I thought you told him.
I'm sorry.
Listen...
...I work for a friend of yours.
Who's that?
Your old drummer, Willie.
I dance at his club.
He heard you were out and asked me to get you.
He said he'd give you a job.
Matara, could you drop me off here?
What can I do for you?
Sir, how much would that full-sized...
...Ford police package run me?
Get yourself $500...
...and come back to see me.
Okay, sir.
That's a nice car.
I'll save it for you.
Thanks.
I wasn't sure you would come, Elwood.
A letter from you is like a command, sister. You know that.
Actually, it's Mother Mary now.
That's a promotion, isn't it?
I was sorry to hear about Jake.
Yeah, well I guess he's in a much better place.
Where is Curtis?
Curtis has gone on as well, Elwood. I'm sorry.
So that's why he stopped writing me.
He was very upset when the orphanage closed.
Curtis was the closest thing to a dad Jake and I ever had.
He gave us the music.
The Lord works in mysterious ways, Elwood.
We must go on and fight the good fight.
The orphanage is gone, Jake's gone, Curtis is gone.
I got no brother, no roots, no life. I got nothing!
Young man...
...you were not taught and raised by me...
...to fold at the slightest whiff of adverse circumstances.
Now quit your silly moping, pull yourself together and snap out of it!
But--
But nothing! Wise up! Turn your heart to the Creator.
You are so quick to despair.
You are not the only person in the world who has had tragedy in their lives.
Did you know that Curtis had a son?
Curtis had a son?
Before Curtis came to us at St. Helen of the Blessed Shroud...
...he had a musical group that toured juke joints in the Midwest.
In one town, Curtis had an affair with a married woman.
Go, Curtis.
I mean, that's terrible.
That's what I thought you meant.
The woman became pregnant and decided to stay with her husband...
...never telling him that the boy child wasn't his.
Curtis was devastated.
He came to us as a custodian...
...and spent the rest of his life caring for little orphans like you.
That's a beautiful story.
Wait a minute. If Curtis had a son...
...that guy would be kind of like my stepbrother.
I have a family.
Curtis stayed in touch with the boy's mother.
He sent his paycheck every week.
Where is this boy now?
He's a grown man now, and doing quite well.
He's in the city. His name is Cabel Chamberlain.
Cabel Chamberlain.
He knows nothing about Curtis. You are not to tell him.
I wouldn't say anything.
Do you know anything about mentoring?
No. What about it?
I'd like you to meet someone.
Sister, would you send Buster in here?
Wait a minute.
Thank you.
Come in, Buster, and sit down.
Elwood, say hello to Buster.
Hi. How ya doin'?
Buster, say hello to Elwood.
Hi. How ya doin'?
The kid's a wiseass.
Shit!
What did you say?
I said, what a sweet kid.
That's more like it. Now, here's my proposal.
Buster is a ward of the State.
Due to lack of space, the archdiocese...
...is housing homeless children here at the hospital.
What's that got to do with me?
I thought you could come and spend time with Buster.
Why don't you take Buster to the library?
You know, I've been jacked around--
The library. No problem.
See you in two hours, boys.
Here's the deal. You wait here. I'll come back for you with the car.
Do you have a car?
I'm working on it.
Chicago. Cabel Chamberlain.
Thanks for the ride.
Kid, are you stalking me?
What are you, fifteen? Seventeen?
I'm ten.
Ten?
I know what that's like.
You're lonely, searching for a place in life.
Don't blow it like I did.
Stay away from drugs, gangs, cyber porn and you could be President some day.
But I don't want to be President.
I'm busy. I got kind of a brother in there. He must be in trouble.
Besides, you don't want to hang around with some over-forty recidivist.
Now scram.
A Mr. Elwood J. Blues is here to see you.
Yes, sir.
Commander Chamberlain's office is on the 12th floor. He's expecting you.
"Commander" Chamberlain?
How can I help you, Mr....
Blues. Elwood J. Blues.
Could you take off your hat and glasses in my office?
Okay, you can put your glasses back on.
What exactly is the nature of your visit here, Mr. Blues?
Well, it's like this.
I used to be in a band called The Blues Brothers.
So?
With a partner whose name was Jake Blues.
Go on.
And you are our long-lost brother.
Mr. Blues...
...I am an only child.
But your real father was like a real father to me, too.
-My real father? -Yeah, Curtis.
Have you noticed that I am African-American?
That's okay. So was Curtis.
See, your mother and Curtis had an affair...
...which produced a little boy. That's you.
My father...
...passed away 14 years ago.
He was a full-bird colonel in the U.S. Air Force.
My mother...
...now lives in Phoenix, Arizona and a more...
...honorable, sweet-tempered and goodly woman does not exist.
I'm not making any moral judgments.
But one can project what might have happened.
Your mom, young...
...her husband in the military. Often away from home...
...which may have pushed her to reach out...
-...stray from the nest. -That's enough.
Just a minute...
...please.
Hi, Ma. It's me, Cab.
Listen, I have a...
...gentleman here who's telling me some story about a man named Curtis.
What?
Right.
So, what precisely do you want from me?
Seeing as we're kind of stepbrothers...
...I thought you could help me out.
How?
I need $500 for this car.
I thought maybe you could loan me the money. Or--
Or what?
I want to put the band back together.
You could join us.
I am a commander...
...in the lllinois State Police.
I enjoy my job.
You waltz in here...
...telling me that I have a dead...
...white criminal brother, who was in a band, which...
...the last time they played anywhere were charged with...
...grand larceny...
...reckless endangerment, felonious motor vehicle assault...
...over 700 violations of the Highway Traffic Act...
...and damages, both public and private...
...in excess of $24 million.
And you are asking me if I want to join this band?
I could show you all the moves.
Get the hell out of my office, right now!
I thinkyou need a hug.
And don't ever come back here again!
-Are you okay? -Yeah.
He dropped this.
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
Four...
...five hundred dollars.
Thank you, sir.
This your boy?
He's....
I'm his associate.
Yeah, that's who he is.
Lucky you came today. I'm selling the place tomorrow.
Why?
I'm going to New Orleans to try out a new career.
Good luck, Mr. Gasperon.
Good luck to you, Mr. Blues.
Mother Mary, we've done two bed checks...
...searched the grounds and we can't find him.
Who?
Buster. He's missing.
Elwood!
Have you seen my wallet?
It smells like dog shit in here.
Don't say "shit," kid.
You don't need that shit, kid.
Elwood.
It's me.
Matara.
Yeah, right.
Mack.
Look who's here. Elwood Blues.
From Willie's old band.
Is this your son?
Well, he's....
I'm hungry.
Come on, let's get you something to eat. Willie's in the office.
What would you say to my putting the band back together?
I'd say I've got a good business here and I'm not going back to jail.
You're saying you don't miss it?
That's right.
You know you miss the music.
No pharmaceutical could equal the rush you get when the band grooves.
People are dancing and shouting. The house is rocking.
Sir?
Yes, Elizondo?
Found your wallet.
Let's see...
...badge, license, credit cards.
Just the cash is missing. Where was it?
Turned in to lost-and-found in a paper bag...
...with this note.
I want a felony theft warrant put out on Elwood Blues.
I want this guy. Now.
What did he mean, calling you his "little brother"?
Right away, sir.
Good evening, welcome to Willie's.
Illinois' most elegant establishment for entertainment, erotica and ecdysia.
Now, four young women currently studying medicine...
...and paleontology at Northwestern University.
Tia, Sandrah, Devon and Carla.
Here they are, The Roommates!
The band, the girls and I, want to do a song for you.
A little Mack Rice cover.
You married men...
...better stay tied up, because it's cheaper to keep her.
"It's cheaper to keep her
"When your little girl makes you mad
"You get an attitude and pack your bag
"Five little children that you're leaving behind
"You're gonna pay some alimony or do some time
"It's cheaper to keep her
"Too much to leave that little girl
"It's cheaper, it's cheaper
"If you decide to roam
"And leave your happy home
"You got to pay the house note
"The child support, your insurance
"Alimony, mortgage one, mortgage two
"It's cheaper to keep her"
What was that?
Strong-arm shit. Protection payment. You know.
This time it's Russians. But if I pay them, they leave me alone.
That's not right.
No shit.
If I could only figure out what Elwood's game is.
Why did he come to see you?
To borrow $500 and ask me to join his band.
Well, he got his $500.
What instrument do you play?
How about a big hand for our gorgeous, professional lady dancers?
Where's Willie?
Visiting his ailing stepfather. Why?
The Russians are here to see him.
I'll handle it. Where's Buster?
In the office, sleeping.
Good evening, gentlemen.
Mr. Hall has been unavoidably detained. He may be a trifle late.
May I buy you a drink?
Mack.
Got a minute?
Don't forget our deal now, Elwood.
You can stop worrying. Those Russians won't be back.
Those guys are bad mothers, Elwood. Serious shit. They kill people.
They kill people?
Try to understand.
Those goons are orphan remnants of the post-perestroika Soviet secret police...
...who twisted the well-intentioned, original Marxist-Leninist doctrine...
...using state security, which was corrupted by Beria in the '30s.
Once a mass populace is coerced into such behavior...
...a radical shift, like glasnost, produces guys like...
...headless automata who continue the brutish measures...
...to which their genes were programmed since the fall of the Romanovs.
That's great. I feel much better.
"Stay away from Willie's. Signed, the Masked Avenger."
Now, a very special treat, our own...
...bartender, Mack McTeer, will perform for you tonight.
Now, come on.
Elwood.
What are you doing?
I'm sorry. I promised the guy. It'll never happen again.
"I'm all alone and fancy-free
"But that ain't the way I want to be
"Now girls, get your game up tight
"We're gonna have a wing-ding-doodle tonight
"For right now I'm lookin' for a fox
"I'm lookin' for a fox
"Tonight the sky's the limit
"I got some money and I'm gonna spend it
"It's Saturday night and I wanna play
"I'm gonna groove till the break of day
"I'm lookin' for a fox
"Not a brand new pinstripe suit of clothes
"Big wide polka-dot tie
"Cuff links as big as jaybird eggs and look at that
"Shoes made out of alligator hide
"Wanna see somethin ' else here?
"I'm ripe and ready and I'm hot to trot
-"Boy, you on fire -"You know you can get anything I got
-"Two take for two -"I got the money if you got the time
-"We open all night -"All you gotta do is give me a sign
"I'm lookin' for a fox"
Mack, you know something?
You can sing, man.
Everyone please leave now!
-Where's Buster? -I don't know.
Gas!
Come on! Hurry!
Elwood!
You okay?
The girls get out?
Yeah, everyone's fine.
Matara, thanks for everything.
Time to go.
They have automatic weapons.
Look in the glove compartment.
Carpet tacks. They have guns and we have carpet tacks.
They're not carpet tacks. They're dry-wall nails.
Roll down the window. Dump the nails.
The Lord works in mysterious ways, Mack.
What do you mean?
If not for those Russian gangsters and you helping me...
...I wouldn't have seen you sing. You're good.
Thank you, Elwood.
Since the Russians torched Willie's club, he'll need a job.
You'll need a job. I'll need a job.
So, you'll join the band, then we'll all have jobs.
-Follow me? -Sure.
What band?
Lieutenant.
-Elizondo. -Find anything?
No bodies, but lots of gunfire.
Find the club owner?
Not yet.
Wait.
You better see this.
Matt.
You finally sell that demonstrator?
Check this funky car coming in. I got a weird vibe.
The suit's real neat, but do I have to wear the hat?
These are unsophisticated men. They only respond to fear and the draw of lucre.
We elicit this by using iconographic symbols...
...and psychological intimidation.
The way we look together...
...presents a uniform image of strength and organization.
Don't say anything. Look mean. No smiling.
Good to see you.
Even though that last gig was a nightmare.
Boys, meet my new partner in the act, Mighty Mack.
Mack, "Blue Lou" Marini, Matt "Guitar" Murphy.
Mighty Mack.
So, what's this about?
Putting the band back together.
You can't mention that here.
She's back from lunch.
Elwood.
Ma'am.
Sorry to hear about Jake.
Thank you, ma'am.
Who's this?
My new partner, Mack McTeer.
Pleased to meet you.
Matt, can I speak to you privately?
Sure, baby.
When you got out of prison, you said, "No more Blues Brothers."
Yes, I did.
We've built up a good business using the cash from the sale of the coffee shop...
...to start this Mercedes dealership. What's wrong with you?
And I keep your pathetic friend on...
...even though he hasn't sold a car in over two years.
Yes, you have, and no, he hasn't.
You talk straight with me.
I always do.
And treat me with respect at all times.
I do, baby.
You know what I mean when I say respect?
"What you want, baby I got it
"What you need
"you know I got it
"All I'm asking
"is for a little respect when you come home
"Hey, baby
"When you come home
"l ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone
"l ain't gonna do you wrong 'cause I don't wanna
"All I'm asking
"is for a little respect when you come home
"Baby, when you come home
"Just a little bit
"I'm about to give you all my money
"And all I'm asking in return, honey
"ls to give me my profits when you get home
"Your kiss is sweeter than honey
"and guess what so is my money
"All I need is just a little respect from you
"when you get home, baby
"Just a little bit
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T Find out what it means to me
"R-E-S-P-E-C-T take out the T-C-P
"Sock it to me
"Yeah, baby
"Sock it
"l don't want much
"Sock it to me
"Baby, I'm telling you
"A little respect, oh yeah
"Give it to me all over the world
"l get my respect
"Yes, I do, it's an everyday thing
"I'm telling you it is
"Wherever I go
"All over the world I need respect
"Yes, I do
"l deserve respect"
Listen, Matt. You ain't all of that, cat.
And Elwood, you ain't no good.
Matt, this is something I really don't want you to do.
For heaven's sake, if this is what you'll be like to live with, go ahead.
Thanks, baby.
Let's go.
Elwood...
...you boys, please stay out of trouble this time.
Dunn and Cropper, WEXR.
Chicagoland talk radio.
-This is Dunn and Cropper. -Cropper and Dunn.
On WEXR, 103.7 talk radio.
Today's topic: Automatic life terms for three-time felony offenders.
Let us hear your opinion.
You're on the air.
I am not in favor of this triple felony legislation.
Why?
I'm a recently released inmate, starting a new life...
...but with a five-felony record--
I think I know that voice.
What chance do I have if I make one more mistake?
One more time, I could go down for life. It's not fair.
My question is, how can you goddamn...
...shit-spewing media sluts--
Thank you. Now a commercial.
Steve, that sounded a lot like--
Elwood J. Blues.
No place to run.
And no place to hide.
I know your trumpet player's a funeral director now.
But cemeteries give me the creeps.
He'll be the most difficult. Follow my lead.
Lay to rest Nicholas Tsetsevkaya.
A young man cut down too soon...
...by violent enemies.
Will you get lost? Do you know who these people are?
Who's he?
What's with the monkey?
That's my associate, Buster Blues.
This is Mighty Mack, my new lead singer.
So, that's what this is about?
Forget it. Goodbye.
Mr. Fabulous...
...when should we come back for the rings and watch off the corpse?
And is the medical school buying his dick?
We're dead now.
Since I've been working for Ed and Mr. Pickett, I haven't looked back.
These guys are amazing.
What do you want, Elwood?
I'm putting the band back together.
We need Murph on the keyboards.
I see.
I won't go without your say-so.
Murph says you're in publishing, telephone sales and matrimonial services?
Yes, we are.
Just what is it that you do exactly?
I'm 18 years old. I'm blonde.
I'm 36-24-36, and my name is Bambi.
"lf you need a little lovin'
"Call on me
"lf you want some kissin'
"Call me, baby
"I'll be right home
"All you got to do is pick up the telephone
"And dial now
"634-5789
"That's my number
"lf you need some huggin'
"Call on me
"lf you want some kissin'
"Call on me, baby
"No more lonely nights
"We'll be alone
"All you got to do is pick up the telephone And dial
"634-5789
"That's my number
"Oh, I'll be right there
"Just as soon as I can
"lf I be a little bit late
"l hope that you'll understand
"lf you need a little lovin'
"You can call on me
"lf you want some of my kissin'
"Call on me
"No more lonely nights
"We will be alone
"All you got to do is call me on the telephone
"And dial
"That's my number, baby
"That's our number
"You can reach the Love Exchange
"Call Ed's Love Exchange"
Charlie, would I lie to you?
Charlie, take it easy. That's all in the past.
He hung up on me. A lot of burnt bridges, Mr. Blues.
I know you can book us somewhere. You're still the best.
Ever hear of Queen Moussette?
The Louisiana witch, Queen Moussette?
That's her. She has a "Battle of the Bands" going on at her club.
Big cash prize. Your band wins, I get 15 percent of the take.
I'll book you a couple of gigs on the way to Louisiana.
Golly, thanks, Mr. Sline.
Let go of me.
Sorry.
One more thing. You'll have to audition for Queen Moussette.
Don't tell the boys about this.
We'll call to find out where our first gig is.
Just be careful, Elwood.
Alan Rubin.
Mr. Fabulous.
The Blues Brothers Band.
You're going to love them. They're absolutely sensational.
Really sensational. They're a great blues band.
Yeah, blues band. No, blues, not bluegrass.
You don't want a blues band?
Bluegrass.
They're the Bluegrass Brothers. They're wonderful.
They absolutely pulverize an audience.
You're going to call and thank me. The Bluegrass Brothers.
Our first date is at the county fair...
...in Cynthiana, Kentucky...
...and then we have this mystery gig in Louisiana.
Mystery gig?
Elwood, you got the keys to the trunk?
It's full.
I haven't played a county fair since '68.
Sounds like a lot of laughs.
We're back on the road again.
Who are you, Willie Nelson?
I'll ride with Elwood.
Go right ahead, Mr. Thrill-Seeker.
Excuse me, sir.
Didn't you used to be Elwood Blues?
Who's asking?
I've listened to your stuff since I was a kid.
Yeah, so?
My friends and I have a band. We're rehearsing nearby.
It would be so cool, and mean so much to me, if you'd come listen to us play.
Sure. Go get started and I'll be there in a minute.
Great.
Let's highball!
Mr. Blues?
-It's been almost seven days, Mother Mary. -We must call the police.
Kidnapping is a federal offence.
I suppose you're right.
We should call the police.
Sir.
We just received a call. Elwood Blues has kidnapped a child.
Roachdale 31.
-Wait. -I got a cheeseburger cooling, man.
Buster, I'm sorry, you'll have to see a bad side of me.
Mack, your shaving cream.
So none of you are driving that Ford?
No.
And whose dry white toast is that?
Run for your lives!
My God, help us! Somebody help us!
He's having an attack! It's puffball bacteria!
It's extremely contagious!
What in Sam Hill?
Run away! Oh, God!
It's puffball bacteria! It's contagious!
Save yourselves!
Save yourselves! Save yourselves!
Hot damn. That's quite a trick.
That white trash ex-con invented criminally evasive driving.
He kidnapped a little--
Get after him!
Murph?
Go ahead.
See you at the gig.
Where is the gig?
County fairgrounds, off Route 107, Cynthiana, Kentucky, 11 PM tomorrow.
See you there.
How will he get there with all the cops after him?
Wait a minute.
Don't I know you boys from somewhere?
Check, please.
We have to get off this road. They've called ahead by now.
Two miles down, get off this and on County Road 245 to Mariah Hill.
That'll get us close to the State line.
We have to lose them first.
You passed the turn.
I know.
You're hoping they lost interest?
This is Agent Peters and Agent Bowman, FBl.
Good to have you here.
Elwood Blues is a menace to decent people.
We'll get him, sir. That's a promise.
Every lawman in two states is on this border.
Let him try to get past this roadblock.
Roll up your windows.
How long can we stay down here?
How long can you hold your breath?
Am I right?
Yes, sir.
I said, am I right?
Yes, sir.
I can't hear you!
Yes, sir!
You may think we're just a group of sorry son-bitches...
...out here jerking each other off.
Or you may just think that we know something.
I'll tell you something else.
The federal government has a computer.
This computer is wired...
...to a computer in Jerusalem...
...and Moscow.
There's something in the river.
Where?
I saw something under the water, sir.
Son...
...it's okay to be nervous.
There are enough explosives in that boat...
...to blow up every post office in the country.
But nobody knows we're here. Nobody knows our plans.
You guys having a picnic?
Don't shoot! You might hit the boat!
What boat?
That's the international Jewish, communist conspiracy in action, people.
One of their spy satellites picked up our location.
Kill them!
-Did you hear something? -Nope.
-You sure they'll come? -They're booked here. They'll come.
More stunts coming up...
...and only 20 minutes until the wonderful Bluegrass Brothers.
These will make us look a lot more bluegrass.
I'll fake some fiddle on my keyboard.
We go on after the last car stunt.
How will Elwood, Mack and the kid...
...get to the stage with all the police around?
I like the car this color.
It's temporary camouflage, that's all.
All right. Go on.
Lots of heat here. Maybe we ought to skip this gig.
That would be unprofessional. Park it somewhere dark.
Now...
...the Devil Drivers' star, Rick Avery...
...does the triple-ramp loop through the ring of fire!
Now the county fair is proud to present tonight's musical entertainment...
...the Kentucky Bluegrass Brothers!
What's with the hats and beards?
You look like ZZ Top.
Sline booked us in here as a bluegrass band.
Thank you so much, and howdy.
Howdy!
Howdy.
Howdy!
Good to see your smiling faces. We'd like to see you a little bit closer.
Come on down out of the stands.
Come close to the stage.
Bluegrass?
Riders.
Duck, mountain tempo in A minor.
"That old cowpoke went ridin' out one dark and windy day
"Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way
"When all at once a mighty herd of red-eyed cows he saw
"A plowin ' through the ragged skies
"And up a cloudy draw
"The ghost herd in the sky
"Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel"
Excuse me. Step aside.
Take your men behind the stage.
"A bolt of fear went through 'em as they thundered through the sky
"For they saw the riders comin' hard
"And they heard their mournful cry
"Ghost riders in the sky
"Their faces gaunt, their eyes were blurred their shirts all soaked with sweat
"They're ridin ' hard to catch that herd but they ain 't caught 'em yet
"'Cause they got to ride forever in that range up in the sky
"On horses snortin ' fire